When therapy feels awkward
Sitting with a therapist can be awkward.
For some, it is unnerving to feel like we have to sit still and make eye contact with this person while we get vulnerable with them.
For others, there can be a sense of pressure to generate the ‘topic’ or the conversation.
As a therapist, I believe in creating a space that works for you—not the other way around. And that means we can get creative with how we show up and communicate.
Here are a few ways you can feel more comfortable, grounded, and interactive during your therapy sessions.
I want my clients to know that they can get up and move around.
We all get uncomfortable sitting in stillness for 55 minutes. There is also something to be said for being able to express ourselves physically as well.
Sometimes we need to get up, move, sway, lay down etc. Don’t be afraid to move around during your therapy session.
Use a fidget.
I have a little bin of fidget toys in my space. They are not for kids, they are for everyone. In fact, having something to fidget with can help some of us concentrate more on what we are saying. It might also be soothing to have this little mental and physical outlet while we are talking.
We can do something while we talk, like a puzzle or colour.
Doing a simple activity can take the pressure off to sit still and look at one another. It is also a calming activity that can help us be more mindful and present.
We can express things in more ways than just words.
It can be hard to put things into words sometimes. I want clients to know we can use art exercises (you don’t have to be ‘artistic’), collage, vision boards, bring in music/playlists, use metaphors and poetry, and use movement, breathing or guided visualization.
We can use prompts for conversation.
Sometimes, card decks and books help as prompts for important conversations we wouldn’t have thought of on our own. I have different ones in my office that clients can always ask for.
We can do the ‘work’ together.
If you think you would benefit from worksheets, exercises, or working through a book - this can be done in the therapy session. It can help with accountability or give you more guidance and conversation on the topic.
I want my clients to get comfortable, use the pillows and blankets.
You will see most therapists have blankets, pillows or stuffies in their office. We won’t think twice about you grabbing these and getting cozy. It often helps us to feel physically safe and comfortable.
Come in early and make a coffee, have a snack
You are allowed to eat and drink here. Come in early and make a coffee or tea in the waiting area. If your therapist has snacks out in their reception or waiting area, they want you to help yourself. You can also bring something in. Feeling nourished is important. It is always easier to think more clearly when you have eaten something.
Take notes, if that helps you
Many clients will take notes during online sessions, but when you are in person you might feel uncomfortable to bring out a pen and paper.
However, taking some notes of things that stand out to you can help you recall the topics discussed that you might forget when you leave the session. It makes the session more valuable when you track your own insights during the process.
I keep a notepad handy for any time a client wants to note something we have talked about.
The goal is for the client to feel comfortable and have their needs met in session. Not just emotional needs, but physical needs too.
All of these ideas I listed might even feel weird for some. We are told there are ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ ways to do therapy or ‘be a client’
But the therapy relationship is also a space where you get to practice being more assertive. Noticing what you want and asking for it.
As a therapist, I want my client to listen to their own needs for movement or activity or doing things a bit differently than just sitting here and talking.
So, if you have an idea of something that would help you be more comfortable in therapy, bring it up with your therapist.
Do you want more of? or less of?
Sitting still
Silence and time for reflection
Movement
Breathing exercises
Exercises
Playfulness
Art and creativity
Snacks
Prompts
Worksheets
If you need ideas, ask your therapist; most of us love to use different tools and ways to engage in therapy!
