The types of grief

Did you know there are ‘types of grief’?

This is because not all losses look the same.
There are different types of losses and different grieving experiences.
So, we need more ways to define the broad experiences we can have in this world when it comes to grieving and loss.

Loss can look many ways.
Not all losses are deaths.
Sometimes a loss can be a loss of identity, a loss of a role, a loss of abilities, a loss of material items, a loss of a place or a community.

Here are two types of losses that are not often understood or acknowledged

Disenfranchised Loss

(coined by Kenneth Doka)

This is a loss that is not openly acknowledged, validated, or socially supported.
This may be because there is stigma associated with it, such as suicide, AIDS, or addiction. It could be the loss of a partner in a relationship that was not socially accepted.
This may be a loss that is not openly acknowledged or validated, such as a miscarriage or adoption.
Sometimes it is a loss where the mourner does not have ‘permission’ to mourn, such as the loss of an ex-partner or loss of a faith community.
The mourner can also be excluded in other ways, such as being told they're “too young”, or “weren’t that close to the person”.

These losses are hard to mourn, as the mourner often feels like they shouldn’t or don’t have the right to mourn.

Ambiguous Loss

(Coined by Dr. Pauline Boss)
This is a loss without a clear closure.
It may be that the person is not physically there but is still psychologically present (estrangement, missing, incarcerated)

Or it may be that the person is not psychologically present in the same way but is physically present (dementia, addiction, traumatic brain injury)

When we see the bigger picture of the different types of losses and the different forms of grief, we often see the presence of loss in our own stories.

This is normal. We all have experienced loss of some kind.
Your loss is worth acknowledging, and it is worth making space to process.

These are nutshell definitions of different types of grief

“Normal” Grief

We can have a loss and move through the grieving process with all the common responses of pain, anger, guilt, and confusion.

I use quotes for the word ‘normal’ because there is no template on how grieving should look. A better term is ‘uncomplicated’, because it is grieving and it hurts, but the process continues along.

Prolonged Grief

Sometimes our grief process needs extra support. We might feel stuck and find that the pain doesn’t ease with time.

Compound Grief

This happens when losses or distressing events happen consecutively, and we don’t have a chance to process things, individually.

Delayed Grief

In situations where we didn’t/couldn’t process the loss, our grieving process is delayed

Anticipatory Grief

This is the grief we feel when we know there is a loss coming.

It could be grieving the loss of someone who has an degenerative illness, such as dementia.

It could be grieving the loss of how things are right now, such as moving away or getting married.

It can be confusing because it might be grieving something that can also be a good thing, like your child moving to college or having a baby.

Our culture is not very fluent in grief. So, giving a name to the type of grief you are in can be very validating.
It can make sense of why you might be feeling the way you do.

Grief looks different for each person, no two people will mourn the same.
Make space to learn your own losses and grief and determine what helps you in this process.

Reach out to a supportive friend or counsellor for more support.