Listening to your selves

Some years ago I read The Untethered Soul by Michael A Singer. 

In the first chapter of this book, I read something that altered my relationship to myself. 

The author talks about 'the voice inside your head' and explains how we have this incessant voice in our head - narrating and opining and criticizing and worrying.

There are a lot of thoughts in our head at any one time. 

What impacted me was the notion that I am not that voice, but I am the one listening to that voice. 

Or I should say, voices, as there are many differing opinions and thoughts that I can hear at any given moment. 

An approach I have really loved taking with my therapy clients is IFS (Internal Family Systems).  This approach gives a name to the 'voices in our mind' and calls them 'parts'.

There are parts of us. 

Sometimes you can notice your parts when you listen in to how you might talk to your friends

You might catch yourself saying things like

I want to go out tonight and meet everyone for dinner, but I also just kinda want to stay home

Or I want to put my hand up for that project/that opportunity, but also no I don’t 

Or, Part of me is so angry with motherhood and another part of me longs to find joy in it. 

When explaining IFS to clients, I often use the metaphor that I  am (you are) sitting at a boardroom table. All the people around the table have opinions and voices, (some louder than others).

However I am (you are) the one at the head of the table listening to it all. 

A problem we might have when we are sitting at the head of this board room table is that we think we shouldn’t have these conflicting or even opinionated parts of us. There are some parts we don’t even want at the table sometimes.

But each part is there for a reason. Each of these parts have the motive to keep protecting us. Keep us safe, whether that is safe within, from our pain and emotions - and safe out there, with other people. 

Internal Family Systems work (also called Parts work) helps us to better know these parts within us and relate to them in self-honouring and helpful ways.